No relevance, just one of my favourite Christmas carols. I may not be a religious person, but I do love a good carol.
Anyhoo. A day without the kids and we spent it thus: me downstairs, reading and DH upstairs, reading. I know, we really know how to have fun.
I can’t complain too much as we are warm (when the boiler decides to work), well fed and relatively happy. I can look out the window and see our neighbour, who has just first her first Christmas as a widow, as her husband died this Autumn. So while we need to replaster the ceiling in the playroom, replace the oven, replace the tumble dryer, fix the garden fence, get the boiler fixed, get rid of my constant heartburn and indigestion that’s been pestering me for weeks and weeks etc, I know that I’m way more fortunate than a large chunk of the population.
And it does help to get some perspective. I’m not being a martyr. I know that our life is hard at times. But I know that my neighbour over the road would have a bipolar husband over no husband any day of the week. And actually, that thought does help me appreciate what I do have.
Frankly, a time of year I was dreading. The unknown element of my DH’s (Dear Husband) moods. However, he’d had a low around the 19th, so I guessed we might be okay for Christmas Day, and we were. Christmas Eve at my sister’s, Christmas Day here, Boxing Day just relaxing and the 27th, friends over to watch rugby. All lovely. A good few days. Kids happy, food good if I do say so myself, company pleasant. But as sure as day follows night, the low arrived today. And I could see it coming. Maybe drinking a little more. Then a few restless nights. Then – boom. Here it is.
Naturally we’re supposed to going out, en famille today, meeting my mother for lunch, with my sister and her family. It starts, as it always does, with him feigning total ignorance about the plans. “So what are we doing today?” “What time are we meeting?” “Who else is going?”. Those sorts of things. Questions to which he knows the answer, and questions that I’ve already answered at least once in the last 24 hours.
At first he’s saying that he’ll come, but then he asked me AGAIN what we were doing and at that point I knew we’d lost him for a few days or so. I’ve told DH I’d like him to come but understand that he may not feel up to it. I do understand that he may not feel up to it. I just don’t really understand what it is that makes him go from good to not good so quickly. Medically of course I get that it’s bipolar that does it to him, but it’s just so…capricious (word of the day).
Would it help him if he knew a low was coming?
Does he in fact know?
Is it better to ignore that, and just enjoy the good bits while they last?
And is there ANYTHING we/he/health professionals can do to help?
I know, an uninspiring and truly dull title. But again I find myself at the point of thinking ‘Oh bugger’. Since DH has been back from NYC, he really hasn’t been too good. I’ve suggested he makes a note of his mood, a suggestion met with resounding…meh. So I’ve decided to make a note of them. Truthfully I suspected they would reveal that it’s more about the bad than the good, although I did say to DH that plotting his moods might in fact show that he’s better than he thinks. Anyway, I’m glad I’ve done it and not him because it is rather depressing. Since November the 30th it’s gone a little something like this
bad, bad, okay, good, good, good, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad and good, good, okay, bad.
Today he informed me that he didn’t think the therapy was working. And I suspect I’ll be going to our friends’ on my own on Saturday night.
He’s angry, easily stressed out and low. But he has no desire to go back on medication, and he’s giving up on the therapy. Where does that leave us? Him? Me? The kids?
Christmas is just around the corner. I’m trying not to be too pessimistic but I don’t imagine it being all that enjoyable. I’m tired. So very sodding tired.
So all is going well. DH’s mood has lifted considerably, and in time for the weekend. Except today he went over to his mother’s with the boys. His sister was there too, she’s still recovering from her latest breakdown, and his niece was also there.
Anyway, DH said he walked in to two faces liked slapped arses (mother and sister). Carrying on regardless, he asked his mum (and sister) if she’d join us on Christmas Day and the first thing his mother said was ‘Who’s going to be there?’ She’s not particularly sociable but still….
Red flag and bull. DH immediately reacts. “Why does it matter who else we’ve invited? Why can’t she just say yes?” The upshot is that he poured his cup of tea down the sink and left, leaving his mother in tears.
Of course, this has triggered a massive, angry, brooding low. How bloody frustrating. Why does he let her get to him?
You have probably worked out that they do not have the best of relationships and it’s far too complicated to go in to. No doubt she’s stressed with the pressur of DH’s sister staying with her while she finds somewhere to live. But why can’t she be happy when she sees DH? She was delightful when I saw her on Monday but for some reason she defaults to grumpy and difficult when she sees DH.
He claims not to love his mother these days. He blames her a lot for the state he’s in and she acknowledges that her parenting may not have been top notch, but whose is?
It’s definitely not her fault that he reacted like this. And yet me and the kids have to bear the brunt of this latest low. Again. And it definitely isn’t our fault either.
My friend’s husband has just been diagnosed as bipolar. I wouldn’t wish a bipolar person on people I didn’t like very much, let alone on someone I did like. Like my DH, hers mainly has the lows with hypomania, or mini highs.
But it did make me laugh when she told me that her husband had been convinced she was having an affair with Bobby Davro after she went to one of those ‘Nights out with….Bobby Davro.’
Bobby Davro…..it’s still making me laugh now….who knew the man was so funny