So DH has been in NYC for a week, and on balance it’s been fine. Kids have really missed him, and so have I. Excuse the note of surprise. Usually I’m fricking delighted he’s away as it’s a lot less stressful than having him around. But as things have been a lot better recently, I find myself looking forward to him coming back.
But. And there’s always one of those. His trips overseas have always been triggers for a massive low. The last two breakdowns were triggered by his trips to Florida. Tiredness, jetlag, work stress, missing the family all contributed, and of course he was probably drinking a fair amount back in those days too (he hasn’t been abroad for a few years).
So his return was always hampered by the dread. And I do worry that this will be the same. Is it unavoidable that he’ll hit a low? Tiredness and jetlag make me properly grumpy for a good week. Is it therefore normal to expect to feel quite shit? Should I therefore just say ‘Oh, this is normal’? And not worry too much.
Because the truth is that worrying about something doesn’t change the outcome if you have no control over a situation. You can change your reaction and thus change the longer term consequences. My stress won’t make him NOT go in to a low. If anything, I can make it worse for both of us, and for the kids too.
Incidentally, our youngest has really really missed his dad. I showed him a video of DH dicking around in Manhattan. ‘I wish I could be in that video with Daddy’. He’s counting down the days for all of us.