The road out of Lithium

Last week, with the agreement of his psychiatrist, DH started to come of Lithium. He felt it was trapping him in a low, and maybe it was.

We’re a week in and he’s gone down by 200mg. Tonight he will drop down another 200mg for a week.

Maybe it’s bad timing as he has a show on. He’s really pissed off when he comes in (stresses of work and his partner) but tonight I saw a glimmer of his old anger and my heart sank. I hadn’t really thought about the burning anger but it’s been missing for a while, that flashpoint. Anger has been there but it’s been slower and less explosive.

Can’t say I’ve missed it. And he’s just so miserable.

Is this what it will be like off the lithium though? Can I really remember what life was like before it? No, not without reading previous posts. In fact, I should probably do that right now.

Autumn leaves

Autumn is probably my favourite time of year. Firstly, it contains my birthday. Secondly, thanks to years of school, I associate it with new starts. Not that I actually liked school that much but brand new exercise books hinted at the possibilities awaiting me that term.

As an adult, September is still the month of my birthday of course. It’s also the month that August should be – generally sunny, warm and reasonably dry. And true to form, kids are back at school and the sun is out.

But not at home. I’ve had a difficult few weeks, I’ve felt very low and started to fear that I too was succumbing to depression – maybe it is contagious after all. Sister in law has had yet another very bad patch, resulting in her being arrested (but not charged) for being drunk and disorderly last Friday. A 3am text to my husband, then he was unable to contact her until he turned up at her flat the following morning at 9am. But she’s his sister, and despite her being a total pain in the arse (and many other things), he still cares, as he should.

Do we need the stress? No. But if we feel dreadful, I’m certain my mother-in-law is feeling worse. Two kids with depressive illnesses, one of whom has made various suicide attempts, a niece who has disowned her mother, her own breakdown two years ago….quite a roll call of crap.