And I bet songwriters have said that a few times – ‘Wake me up before you go go’ springs to mind.
So we’ve been pottering along, dawdling down the middle of the road probably explains it nicely. And then last night DH comes back from work and the first thing he says is ‘Why are the kids only just in bed?’.
BIG DEEP BREATHS. COUNT TO A ZILLION. I manage not to tell him to stick it up his arse. Instead, I weigh up whether or not the mood will improve, decide he’s going to be like this all evening, and go to bed.
We will snipe all evening and that’s not how I want to spend time. This is a tactical retreat.
Sorry for distinctly un-rock like Taylor Swift reference, but Shake it off is a polite version of what I want to shout at the DH.
Because I’ve had a bit of a revelation today. His mood this weekend has been terrible, and when I pointed out that he’s working for the next two weekends, thus wasting this weekend, he said ‘Yeah. That’s what’s doing my head in.’ Great. So his anxiety and annoyance about working has ruined this weekend. I think that’s a good illustration of irony.
And what I realised is that while he can’t help his mood swings, he could have control over how the triggers affect him. Because it’s not his depression that’s ruined this weekend, it’s his reaction to having to work for the next two weekends.
This is turn has made me realise that therapy has a key role in his recovery because if he can address these triggers, he should be able to find ways to cope. Truthfully, I want to clip him round the head and scream ‘Sort yourself out you idiot’. This weekend has been really miserable because he’s just allowing the annoyance of working to over-ride any enjoyment. He can’t even bring himself to come with me to watch our daughter in a performance this evening. What the fuck is all that about. It makes me think he’s dwelling. I think he’s allowed himself to look on the bad side for so long now, these behaviours have become ingrained.
I wonder if giving him an actual shake will help.