The sound of silence

Well, I’ve decided not to limit myself to one band for blog titles and this seemed appropriate because I haven’t posted for a while. This indicates that things have been okay. So no news IS good news.

We saw some friends today that we last saw at Easter and they commented on the change in DH, how he seemed much more engaged. Which reinforces what I think I’ve seen, and that’s a definite upturn in his moods.

He still very much struggles to cope with anything that annoys him, it’ll trigger a downward spiral that might last a day, maybe more. And we had a good weekend, he saw friends that he hasn’t seen for a while (while I was enjoying a boozy lunch with their wives), it was all going quite well. But Monday hit and for an inexplicable reason, DH was a mess. Terrible. All day in bed.

And it seems so much worse because he’s been better, the bad moods seem nastier. In a very adult way, I decided the best thing was not to talk to him, unless completely necessary. But really, what’s the point in talking to someone who is monosyllabic and bloody rude at best?

The only teeny fly in the ointment is that I think he’s drinking a little more than he should (‘It’s half-term, I’m on me holidays’).

I’m watching closely, like Miss Marple might do.


Too tired to think of anything

Obviously not a song lyric, or title, at least as far as I know. And it wouldn’t make for a very interesting song. Maybe an instrumental piece?

Anyway, not a lot to report. DH (dear husband) has started his pre-group therapy sessions. Presumably to prepare him and also to ready him for the whole ‘other people’ thing. Something I’ve been surprised about is his antisociability (new word alert). He really doesn’t want to be around people, and obviously group therapy is like a worst case scenario for people like him.

I wouldn’t be particularly delighted about the prospect myself, I have to say. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’d have a massive sulk and a tantrum, refuse to go, then under duress go but be in a really bad mood. I know this much because I did something similar when I had to go to his group meetings when he was in hospital.

But on the bright side, it’s half term next week and he’s off too. Yay….I shall be sending him in to work if he’s on a down (even if he claims not to be on a down).


Ramble on

Faced with the prospect of paying for ‘talking therapy’ of some description, we’re on a money saving drive (again), and the first to go, in part, was our TV subscription. We were paying £140 a month! Holy crapola. And now we’re paying £67. Admittedly the kids have lost Cartoon Network et al but they are surprisingly happy to put up with CBeebies. Listening to In the Night Garden reminds me of them being babies – I’d stick Night Garden on and basically fall asleep while the child or children ran around. There’s a trippy quality to Night Garden that makes it perfect for a little meditation, or sleeping.

Although gardens are in my bad books since the hayfever season started – what is with the tiredness? I mean, actual ‘I really will have to have a nap right now’ kind of tiredness. Apparently it’s your body fighting the allergens. Huh.

I will stop rambling however as the lure of the sofa is strong….

Sick again

Massive sigh

It was the weekend away with the rugby club, and true to form DH found the whole thing intimidating. I was truly tempted to jump out of the car on the way down, and find my way to a station and back home.

In fact, the weekend itself was ok, kids loved it, weather was a bit crap, food was somewhere between ‘school canteen’ and ‘aeroplane cuisine’. But it was hot, it was plentiful and more to the point, I didn’t have to think about food for FIVE mealtimes!

But DH kept himself to himself, briefly appearing in the evenings and intermittently during the day. In his defence, he was looking after our youngest who couldn’t do the zip wire etc.

DH claims he doesn’t feel low, he just feels dead. He’s still thinking about suicide. He wants to come off the lithium, which would leave him effectively medicine free, apart from his thyroxine. He hasn’t started taking the Effexor and I don’t think he will.

Perhaps being medication free is the thing to try though. With supervision. How do I feel about that? Very very anxious. The truth is though that he really isn’t all that much better on the lithium

We had a looooooong chat last night. I’m quite keen that we somehow find the money to pay for therapy for him because it seem that there isn’t one single ‘cure’. His recovery is going to be a patchwork quilt, which hopefully ends up completed.